A Series on LGBTQIPA2+ Grief, Loss, Death, Dying, and Mental Health

Please listen, watch, and or read as Kelly Hutton, Registered AMFT discusses Anticipatory Grief in her series on LGBTQIPA2+ Grief, Loss, Death, Dying, and Mental Health.

There are closed captions available as an option on the video itself and below the video, is a transcription, and a link to set up a free consultation to see of therapy with Kelly Hutton, Registered AMFT is right for you.

Happy watching, listening, and/or reading.

Below is the transcript of Kelly Hutton, Registered AMFT’s video on Anticipatory Grief.

We apologize for any transcription mistakes. Please let us know if and what mistakes you notice any at office@wavespsych.com .

0:01 Hi, my name is Kelly Hutton and I'm a registered associate marriage and family therapist here in California. I'm supervised by Dr Abigail Weissman, a psychologist and owner at Waves, a psychological corporation here in San Diego.

0:19 And I'm here to talk about a theme that I've been hearing a lot about, or just picking up on in, in my work as a therapist and that is Anticipatory grief.

0:30 I specialize in grief and loss, so we'll talk about that today. So how do you know you're like, you know, you're grieving or, what is Anticipatory Grief?

0:43 Well, it is just like in the name. It's when you know that something is going to end, it could be like an end of a relationship end of life.

0:53 Like maybe you found out that someone you know is terminally ill. And you are anticipating that loss in the end could also be about maybe a change in financial situation, breakups, you know feeling stuck.

1:15 Should I stay in this relationship? Should I not? Also in coming out, maybe losing a job. There are so many things that we anticipate a change or a loss in and many of the symptoms are the same for folks.

1:35 And that's that includes like when you first hear about it, you might be in shock, real shock and disbelief. You might find yourself, you know bargaining, well if I just do more of this, then maybe that person can stay longer or what can I do to you know to keep that relationship longer or that sort

1:59 of thing. You might also have a sense of relief like oh thank goodness, you know like I really like my my uncle and but I really don't want to see him suffer anymore and so and so you know it's a next thing you might even feel guilty about those things.

2:21 You might have increased irritability, you might have also depression coping with substance use might increase, you might even have a change in your diet, stress levels might might come and go.

2:41 And one thing that's really unique is that I find in anticipatory grief that you may not see after someone dies or after the end of a relationship, for example, is that you start to imagine like what a funeral might be like or what might seeing them in the hospital or at home dying or on their death

3:07 bed, for example, what might that be like. You might anticipate, you know, if it's a breakup, you might start thinking, gosh, what am I going to say, what is that other person going to say, where am I going to live, if I you're living with a person and you really, in other words, you're rehearsing ahead

3:29 of time, what might happen. And there's so many more signs, but those are those are some real real, real ones that can be a doozy, pretty typical.

3:43 There is hope and you know, everybody agrees, but guess what, no one has to do it alone, you do not have to do this alone.

3:54 So it's important that you talk about it, talk about your thoughts, feelings and emotions, with trusted people you love or maybe it's you find a way in journaling or an art or.

4:11 Maybe to your Pastor your your your Imam, somebody that you can talk to within a religious community. If you are coming out that's another way that we we as queer people anticipate into.

4:29 Anticipate loss when we come out, or as queer or trans like what we lose our communities. Will our spiritual religious communities reject us.

4:42 All of that. So in those cases it's so important to find chosen family and people who really get us. And also they are just like me who have a lot of experience with grief and loss.