Kink and BDSM - Affirming Therapy

At Waves, we pride ourselves on being BDSM and Kink-affirming providers. We strongly believe in doing our best to educate ourselves in the ways of Kink.

Your Privacy Matters

Please rest assured that you won’t see either clinician out at your local play party. We do like to attend educational events though so if we think there might be a chance that you’ll see us out and about at an educational event, please know that we’ll check in with our clients about any overlap. We continue to learn more about kink and how to be kink affirming counselors. Reach out to us at 619-403-5578 and learn how we can support you today.

Founder, Abigail Weissman has had a professional interest in the subject since her undergraduate years.

In her own words,

I went to Amsterdam, the Netherlands, the winter of my Junior year (Clark University in Worcester, MA). At that time, no one at Clark had ever studied abroad in Amsterdam – I was the first. Yay!

I attended a program called Gender, Sexuality, and Identity studies (or something like that) through the School for International Training. This is the current version of that study abroad program.

We took classes in Dutch language and culture and learned about many aspects of queer and trans life in Amsterdam. We all had to complete a major research project. My project (and resulting paper) was a small participant - observation study of woman-to-woman Bondage Discipline Sadomasochism (BDSM) activity at public sex parties. I wanted to learn more about sexual behavior and, heck, if I could get course units for that study, all the better! I was open with the community leaders I had met about my project and they encouraged me to continue my study. I interviewed participants who I had met at local educational events and at the International Ms. Leather conference that was held that year in Berlin, Germany.

Part of our project requirements was to bring our cohort of US undergraduate students to learn more about our population of interest through discussion with an expert in the chosen topic. I brought my cohort and our teachers to visit an area private play space and meet with a Mistress and her submissive. They taught us about various kinds of BDSM through various interactive experiments (with our consent and theirs, of course).

When I got home to the US, I realized that this world of kink had become my own of sorts, and I began to research the laws around BDSM in the US. I attended a local conference and began to read everything I could about BDSM and kink. That was at the time of Paddleboro, when two people had been arrested for private spanking as one could not, at that time, consent to being struck. (Now, when I look over the reports, it seems like the arrests were for something slightly different, but similar. Here’s one update from 2001.) I followed the case from afar as I began working after college back home in suburban Boston, MA.

In time, I moved to San Francisco to begin my Master of Arts in Human Sexuality studies, then at San Francisco State University. During the Master of Arts program, I learned a great deal about the biological, religious, sociological, psychological, and anthropological theories that framed study of sexuality. My thesis project focused on femme lesbian gender identity as located in the Best Lesbian Erotica series. I loved learning about power dynamics and gender identity within those stories.

Still, I wanted to learn more so I applied for and was accepted into the San Francisco Sex Information (SFSI)’s sex education training program. After over 40 hours of education, I became certified as a sex educator.

I continued to learn more about kink while attending local social events (including munches) and educational events in San Francisco, California and absorbing all I could from my beloved colleagues and friends in the Bay Area.

I also participated in the Sexuality Inequality and Health studies summer internship program (also hosted at San Francisco State University) for a few years and co-created and facilitated a number of brown bag workshops on topics of sexual well-being with my wonderful colleague. These workshops culminated in a field trip of sorts to our local club, the Power Exchange (way back when it was still in operation), and expanded on some of the educational elements that classes had not included in their curriculum at the Institute.

Around this time, I also volunteered for my local synagogue and participated in having an educational table at the Folsom Fair, one of the largest leather festivals in the world. I spoke with festival attendees about binding rituals within both Jewish and kinky traditions. Much to the surprise and happiness of many who stopped by my booth, that at our synagogue, there were openly kinky Jews and that others were welcome at our spiritual and religious home base.

I loved volunteering and participating in my local communities as an advocate. I wanted to deepen my knowledge and learn ways to directly support people in kink communities, so after my sex education certificate and my graduation from my MA program in Human Sexuality, I went to more grad school – this time in psychology.

I wanted to be a clinical psychologist who focused on helping people feel at ease in being their full self, whatever that looked like for them (and as long as it didn’t cause non-consensual pain to another).

Most of my work at psych graduate school has been around working with queer and trans people as well as issues of social justice. After graduating and completing my post doctoral work, and becoming licensed in California, I began to work as a psychologist and, a little later, opened a group practice, called Waves, A Psychological Corporation, as a place where clinicians provided kink – affirming and knowledgeable queer and trans centered care.